Remember when yoga suddenly became ‘a thing’ in Western media? Seemingly overnight we became acquainted with Madonna’s-arms™, Gwyneth’s general omnipresence, and countless other shredded celebrities all claiming to have achieved their best body yet by turning themselves inside out on a yoga mat.
Like every other gullible fool, I signed myself up, bought the gear, and set the intention echoed by magazine readers around the world: to lose weight without getting on a treadmill. Namaste to that!
To say that I ‘didn’t get it’ would be an understatement. Yoga in my twenties quickly seemed boring and pointless. After months (ok, weeks) of classes, I couldn’t do a headstand, my balances were like stacking marbles, and all that incense only left me feeling …incensed! Where was the adrenaline? The endorphins? The aches and pains of breaking muscle? So back to the gym I went - yoga was not for me!
It was through psychotherapy training that I was encouraged to return to the practise. Not as a form of exercise but to learn how to be more present. Apparently that’s something a lot of us struggle with - who knew?! So, albeit reluctantly, for the sake of education I returned to the mat in the hope of a more flexible attitude.
I stood a much better chance this time around. I was no longer the gratification monster I was in my twenties. And alongside my therapy training, the teachings of yoga now held a lot more context than being yet another quest for a body that looked like it had a wasting disease. This time I was paying attention. I was listening to what the teachers relayed through the poses and, incredibly, yoga started to reveal to me so much of what was holding me back in work, relationships, and all that’s in between.
So much of what we struggle with as human beings can be traced back to ego; the part of our mind concerned with our sense of identity. We constantly want to define ourselves and the world around us. I am this. You are that. We collect badges of identity to inform people (and ourselves) of who we are: family background, career, personality, friendships, achievements. We become obsessive collectors, layering badge after badge until all that remains visible are the pins facing inwards.
‘It’s not the ego that’s the problem, it’s our over-identification with, and attachment to, the story that comes with it.’
In yoga we are taught to strip all of that away. To let go of attachment and ownership and focus solely on what’s happening between you and your mat that day. There is no competition, no one way of doing things, no demand or expectation on what your body can do. Some days you might have your toe in your ear, others you might barely raise your eyebrows. None of it matters, just as long as you show up.
It all sounds well and good, but it’s an incredibly difficult attitude to adopt, particularly in a fast-paced world of endless distractions and instant availability. As with all good things, it takes time. I started to learn so much just by continuously showing up to be bad at yoga. Coming back each time, ready to fall again and again.
Letting Go of Judgement
Yoga quickly exposed just how fierce my inner-critic was. I would be so frustrated with myself for not getting something perfect, or not being top of the class. I realised how much this holds me back in my work life. Constantly chastising myself for any small mistakes. Letting failure define me like a cloak of shame whenever I don’t meet my own standards. On the mat I learned to just keep going. Awareness of falling became part of the experience. It neither defined me, nor affected me - which in turn freed me to go further than I had before.
Letting Go of Comparison
Yoga classes give a sense of community and connection, but not competition. Everyone has a different body that can and can’t do different things on different days. Of course I’d sized up the room, clocked who I thought were the show-boaters and set myself a challenge to be as good as them. What I soon learned was that every time I’d look over to compare my pose to another’s, I’d instantly fall, like a mythological prophecy. It was amazing - every single time without fail. I realised how much I do that outside of yoga. I’ll feel good about myself until I look at what others have achieved, and it all comes crashing down. When I started to focus solely on my own experience, my practise tremendously improved, and I started to achieve more than I ever thought I was capable of. That’s something definitely worth taking off the mat!
Learning Self-Compassion
An over-used term and under-used practise. Self-Compassion is something I continue to struggle with. To show yourself compassion is not fluffy, nor self-indulgent. It’s another act of letting go. Noticing thoughts, moods, behaviours, and understanding that they are there for a reason. Just being curious about what that reason might be, rather than judging whether it is allowed or deserved. Yoga is a constant training in awareness of the moment, without attaching to it. By osmosis, this helped me change my (previously savage) self-talk in daily life.
Embracing Curiosity & Playfulness
When we’re able to let go it frees us up to so much more. Without the shackles of judgement or fear, I was able to be curious about different states of mind. My different responses to different things. I was taught to be playful in yoga - to experiment and fall and laugh when I found myself quite literally tied in knots. There’s no posing to the poses. A yoga class is an open space to explore, observe, and learn. It’s the ultimate teacher of creativity, trust and abundance: Try it out, if it doesn’t work, there’s always the next time!
Freedom from Uncertainty
Uncertainty can show up like a demon sent from hell. We all have a relationship with it. Mostly either head-in-the-sand avoidance or an obsessive need to control. The focus on the present moment in yoga teaches us to release thoughts of the future or the past. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow doesn’t exist. So much of life is beyond our control, but fear of the future is like cancer of the present. It will rot through you and define whatever comes next. If we can accept that we ‘just don’t know’, we are free to be brave, take risks, explore desires, and just live our lives.
Letting Go of Labels & Expectation
We like to label things as it gives us a sense of control. We feel we can understand something if we can clearly identify it. However, when we attach a label to something, not only do we limit its possibilities, but we also attach expectation to it. When we define something, we think we know its parameters, opening the door to a lot of very unhelpful ‘should’s - “I am this person so I should do/think/feel this”. We not only label ourselves but also our endeavours. This shows up in my work a lot. I will attach so much importance to whatever I’m working on that the expectation of how it needs to go will start to suffocate me. There’s no bigger barrier to creativity than deciding what it needs to look like. In yoga there is no should. Simply taking that hour without the weight of expectation made me realise how much unnecessary stress we put on ourselves. To let that go is the greatest release.
So I can see how the me in my twenties hated yoga. Of course I did. I wanted to be great at it. Expectations of mastery and achievement fuelled by ego and vanity. But in fact, it’s only through being bad at yoga that I’ve come to understand the value of showing up to fall down. I might never have the body for yoga, but I’ll definitely settle for peace of mind.
The Spin
Learning to let go can be a slow and difficult process but ultimately opens you up to gain so much more.
Yoga is about more than great leggings and a hot bod. To engage with the practise fully is to understand the power of all that it can teach us - in all aspects of our lives.
Awareness and appreciation of the present day/moment can free you from so many barriers and actually help drive you forward.
Adding More Weight
The Untethered Soul is one of the best books I’ve read in this area - one to go back to again and again!
Read more here about Yoga and The Ego.
In a recent How To Fail podcast interview, Brené Brown said “If you ever want to invite failure into your life…just focus on success instead of learning”. Listen to the full episode here.
I love Johann Hari - his book Why You Can’t Pay Attention is a great read.
And if you like the idea of letting go to let creativity thrive, then Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert is the one for you.
Option to Go Deeper
What do you believe defines you?
Reflect on how you would define yourself. The things you feel you are and are not. Now think about why these things are important to you, and what they mean to you, and about you. Consider what it would be like to let these things go? Just notice what comes up for you when you think about that. If it feels uncomfortable then maybe explore the roots of your attachment to these things. It can be an interesting exercise!
Snacks for Later
I love Cat Sarsfield’s newsletter, Since No One Asked. This recent post on perfectionism is good for a nibble.
Watch: A Powerful Way to Unleash Your Natural Creativity
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