I don’t even know where to begin with this Elliot Page interview. I guess this is what’s meant by ‘all the feels'. Joyful, fascinating, heartbreaking, relatable, hopeful, and anger-inducing all at once. Reading it left me unsure whether I wanted to dance, cry or have a little lie down. Punched, tickled and hugged in an alarmingly short space of time (not dissimilar to a night out in London).
Transgender issues are not in my knowledge-sphere. My reading is limited, my lived experience zero, and I’m yet to work with any clients who are trans. However, reading this interview, which was so raw that it seemed an editorial decision to leave it largely unedited, offered such generous intimacy and insight into Elliot’s [please insert another word for journey] that I would challenge anyone not to recognise the shared humanity in which he speaks.
It’s with some trepidation that I write about this. Sharing opinions outside personal experience in 2022 is risky business (although, when has that ever stopped me?) My intention is not to ‘geg in’ or jump on any bandwagon. But the interview activated something in me that I needed to make sense of.
In psychotherapy, we talk about transference and countertransference, whereby feelings and emotions get transferred, in the case of therapy, from client to therapist. Reading Elliot’s article, I felt emotions conducting via written word. Through the ‘Page’, if you will. The importance of such transference in therapy is so we can better understand a client’s emotions, particularly those unspoken or repressed. But it’s also an open door to human empathy. We can, in that moment, feel the depth of pain the other person is suffering and connect with them on a human, and greater level.
Elliot’s struggle’s are personal to him, but although someone’s experience and perhaps intensity of pain might be different, the underlying emotions are ones we all share and have encountered at various points in our lives.
Confusion and Pain.
Elliot well articulates the suffering that comes with being trapped in a persona we can’t maintain. The exhaustion of pretence. The loneliness of never being seen. A ghost haunting a human existence. I know many (*raises own hand*) who have struggled with an identity that doesn’t fit. Chameleons born to be birds. Disconnected from their true nature for fear of rejection. The confusion and pain of that daily struggle may not be as intense as what Elliot describes, but it’s a suffering we can at least begin to understand.
Rejection.
We can all, unless very lucky, relate to the often inordinate pain of not being accepted for who we are. Punished by the parameters of social expectation from which we dare to deviate. Anyone who’s been bullied or had their individuality questioned or rejected must surely empathise with the pain of not feeling they belong. It can warp a person’s mind, distorting their psyche to drive depression, addictions, self-harm, and even suicidal ideation, which unsurprisingly affects 82% of the trans community.
“Bullying puts you in a place where, later, you have so much unlearning to do.” - Elliot Page
Healthy expression of self is specific to each individual. It cannot be defined and should not be dictated by others. There’s empathy in the rejection, but inspiration to be found in the transition to freedom.
Anger.
To speak of anger, I must first address the apparent fury that transgender individuals incite in some. I can never quite get my head around how people could resent or deny a person being who they naturally are (unless they’re naturally Ghengis Khan). That they would rather somebody fit into their own understanding of the world than for that person to express themselves in a way that hurts nobody, but sets them free. It’s more confusing still that this manifests not only in prejudice, but hate-fuelled violence. Brutality against innocent individuals living in their most healthy expression. It’s a frightening component of the human psyche that we could fear difference to such an extent that we’d justify harming another person. While I don’t wish to judge the insecurities those people struggle with, if you read Elliot’s interview (or countless others out there) without empathy, then you’re a f*cking monster. Get out of here, Ghengis, go do some yoga mate!
Then there’s the anger of the individual we can empathise with. The relentless frustration of being trapped by physicality when the soul inside wants to break free. The rage from being misunderstood. Anger is an emotion that often gets repressed, re-emerging in distorted forms such as (again) depression, obsessive compulsion, physical illness, and disordered behaviours.
It teaches us how harmful it can be to deny emotions, and deny our most innate expression of self. Something that many will recognise from their own experience.
Hope and Joy.
Pain, suffering and Ghengis aside, I found so much joy in the interview. Not just for Elliot himself, but because we wouldn’t have seen an article like this 10 years ago. My lack of knowledge about the transgender experience, and indeed the extended LGBTQ+ community, is because individual stories like this were never shared when I was growing up. It shows how far we’ve come as a society that we can now learn from more diverse experiences. Being educated by difference, and reaping the benefit of acceptance and integration in the social collective. Permission for us all to be ourselves.
As humans, we evolved through connecting with one another. It’s how we survived as a species. Our individuality is what makes us unique, but our differences are what strengthen the community to which we all belong. No matter our background, circumstance or lived experience, we can all relate to the human experience. We don’t have to be the same, and nor should we. But our empathy connects us. Empathy that brings us together and can set us all free.
The Spin
Freedom comes with being true to who we are, irrespective of social conditioning.
When we deny our Self we destroy our soul, which creates mental and physical suffering.
We are all individual and can’t expect to know what another person’s most natural expression is. By granting freedom to others, we ultimately free ourselves through compassion.
We are all connected by the human experience, regardless of lived experience.
Adding More Weight
Read the article: The Euphoria of Elliot Page
The Pain and Pride of a Generation Changing How [We] See Gender
Miss Universe Has This to Say About Freedom
First Openly Gay Qatari with Public Profile Says Visibility is Crucial