The Legend of Boots O'Neal
How we can all channel our inner cowboy.
There was an article that caught my eye this week, its headline charging my attention with the promise of thrill and adventure; The Legend of Boots O’Neal. It’s a journalistic account of “Bronc-Busting” Billy Milton O’Neal, long known to all as ‘Boots’, a real-world Texan cowboy who’s been saddling up to herd cattle for over 70 years. It’s a beautifully descriptive and favourable story of a man doing what he loves. What he feels he was born to do. In this case, taking the reins before dawn each day to farm the land astride a trusted steed.
It was a joy to read, perhaps because his story sparkled at me like a rare gem. A treasure to behold. Despite never having aspired to be a cowboy myself (I don’t have the right head for hats) I could readily imagine the exhilaration and zeal of galloping across a Texan ranch, at one with a horse while commanding a herd. So often I’ll meet clients, or even friends, who feel rut-stuck by jobs, familial obligations or social expectations keeping them from what they love - often not sure of what it is they do love. This story, by contrast, seemed to speak of freedom and a connection with the self. Boots will turn ninety this September, and yet his story is alive with youth. His passion for his day-to-day vocation providing the elixir for his vitality. His work isn’t easy - cowboying isn’t the tooth-pick chewing, gun-slinging stand-off we pictured at the O.K. Corral. This is agricultural labour atop a horse, often at the cost of serious injury, including enough near-fatal accidents to prove this particular cowboy to be indeed ‘tough as old boots’. But the demands and perils are inconsequential. Because the overriding takeaway from the tale of Boots O’Neal is that in doing what he loves, his days are, for him, full of purpose and meaning, rendering him not only holistically (mentally and physically) robust but also, in his own words, “luckier than a two-peckered goat.”
Ok, so I’ve romanticised the notion of a guy I knew nothing about 2 days ago (reader, this is not my first time). Boots could be a spur-wielding maniac for all I know. But if we consider his story a symbolic one, it represents the freedom found in connecting with our true self, in what psychologist Carl Rogers referred to as Self-Actualisation.
Some years ago, Boots bought a lotto ticket with a possible payout of $90 million. His cowboy companions asked what he’d do if he won. When Boots failed to come up with anything, his wife, Nelda, answered for him: “He’d go to the barn and saddle up the next morning.”
- TM 2022
I recently attended a seminar in which we were asked to consider the times, situations and environments that made us feel most alive. The things that truly satisfied our desires - those experiences that can only be described as pure joy. These are not always easy to contemplate (psychotherapists don’t exactly keep it light when it comes to existential questioning). For some, the answers may feel within quick reach, but for many this can evoke confusion, frustration, melancholy or regret.
I thought of my older brother, who’s loved playing the guitar for as long as I’ve been alive. He’s an incredible guitarist and singer, but it’s something much deeper that proves the secret sauce to his talent. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is his ‘it’, because to watch him play is like seeing his soul come alive. And to witness a person connecting with their soul is like watching magic happen. It’s an energy hard to describe but we somehow all know when we’re in the presence of it.
Not everybody feels they have the freedom or privilege to do what they love. Some may have become so far removed from their innate self that they no longer recognise it. It’s common for our self-concept to become distorted if we grew up in an environment that taught us to attach our worth to external attributes. Or perhaps we do know our longings/desires, but don’t consider them practical or possible to manifest. Passions might be accessible through part-time hobbies, or may get disregarded altogether in favour of seemingly greater goals such as financial security or building a family. Perhaps we dismiss them so easily because we don’t believe in a soul (this isn’t Santa!) or we imagine that magic connection belonging to the lifelong dedicated dream-chasers - the pro-surfer who eventually catches the world’s biggest wave, the rockstar performing to a packed-out arena …or the triumphant trainspotter sighting the 15.19 to Plymouth. Big stuff like that. But to dismiss our heart’s desire is to kick a can down the road that we’ll meet again at midlife crisis or deathbed regret. The reckoning that we sidelined our own story because we were acting out someone else’s. In truth, it doesn’t matter who or where we are, we all have a ‘thing’ that’s calling to us. We just need to connect with what that might be.
Of course, we don’t pluck these answers out of thin air. If we’ve had cause to suppress our passions, they may be deeply buried. The first step might be to fully consider the following questions (best done through meditation if you’re that way inclined):
Imagine your perfect day from start to finish - What happens? Who are you with? How do you feel?
Imagine the perfect moment where you feel most at peace - What’s the setting? What makes it so perfect? What is it specifically that’s bringing you joy?
Try to remember 3 moments throughout your life when you felt truly incredible. What were the settings and what did those moments signify to you? Are there any common threads that link the 3?
..And what aspect of your current lifestyle would make your younger self cry?
The answers to these questions may be wildly different or conflicting to one another, but they are all clues in our archaeological dig of the Self. They need not point to a specific thing, and are likely to be more over-arching, such as feeling connected, experiencing nature, or being in the spotlight. The answers can be revelatory as to how far or close we are to inner contentment in our daily operations. For example, upon asking myself these very questions, one of the things I realised was that I’m most alive when on the precipice of something new; creating art, writing, learning or simply engaging in deep conversation. These things fill me with an excitement that pulses to every fibre of my being. And yet! through identifying this, I couldn’t help recognise how frequently I revert to the opposite. How I’ll rely on watching re-runs of something, obsessively overplay my favourite songs, try to recreate meals or moments, convinced I know what brings me joy. My realisation was that what I’m actually seeking in those moments is not the thing itself, but the feeling it gave me when I experienced it for the first time. I then create my own cycle of addiction; a compulsive need, driving a behaviour that ultimately leaves me feeling empty because it didn’t give me the hit I told myself it would. It suddenly made sense of so many aspects of my behaviour, and I was only able to understand this once I connected with what I truly wanted.
My other desires were ones I believe to be more universally shared. We all want to love, and be loved. But again, this is a helpful exercise to help us identify what might be getting in the way. Johann Hari, author of Chasing the Scream, writes that “the opposite of addiction is connection”. By connecting to ourselves fully, giving attention to our wants and needs, we can rewire our understanding of what we’re really seeking, and better recognise the compensatory behaviours keeping us from ourselves and from others.
Freedom is found in the truth of what we love. Connecting to our true self, whether through vocation, lifestyle, sexuality or personality is to fully come alive. In denying our own truths, we commit deception upon the Self - a death of a thousand cuts to our true being. To know what we’re looking for is to expose where we may have been hiding. It’s then up to us how we choose to live our lives. We might prefer to exist in the status-quo, or channel our inner Boots O’Neal, and become our own living legend.
The Spin
We can often end up disconnected from what really brings us joy through social conditioning or familial/cultural expectation.
Passions don’t have to be big romantic ideals. Each individual has their own unique nature and life-force - finding what you love is simply connecting to that in its most authentic form - even if your joy is found planting geraniums (no shade on geraniums there, just an example).
We know when we’ve connected with our true passions because it feels unquestionably joyful. It feels authentic and undeniable as the true Self. It’s when we feel most alive.
Connecting with our real nature and desires nourishes us on a soul level to give us the vitality, the mental and physical health, for a long and contented life.
Adding More Weight
The Legend of Boots O’Neal - read the full article
Discovering Passion to Live a Life You Love
The Great Power of Connecting Passion with Purpose
3 Signs That Your Soul is Hurting
Do any of these 21 signs of soul disconnection apply to you?
Option to Go Deeper
What makes you feel truly alive?
Follow the questions outlined above. Take the time to fully contemplate each - challenging each answer with ‘is that really true for me?’. What do you conclude? How far are you currently from doing what really brings you joy?
Brilliant, beautiful and inspired writing.... Thank you Hannah!!!