The Ghost of Normal
How to live a life less haunted.
There’s a common misconception that there’s a right way to do life. That other people are out there following a steady path, making healthy choices and generally having an easier time of navigating this thing called human. Sure, we also all know those who are not. Those who wear their bad decisions like a brightly coloured scarf. But they tend to serve as reminders not to stray from the path. Human sacrifices that perished by going their own way. We’re convinced that happiness, health and all kinds of prosperity are to be found on that elusive path of normal that others effortlessly walk along, yet we ourselves perpetually struggle to find!
I turn forty next year which means I’ll have banked another decade of having absolutely no idea what I’m doing. What I now know with resounding clarity is that it was trying to find the ‘right’ path that got me completely lost in the first place. Forever seeking guidance from a conformity that never quite fit.
I knew at an early age that I was not normal, that my brain didn’t work the same way as other peoples, and I accepted that. But I felt that it othered me in some way. That it excluded me from an easy life, perhaps even a happy one. Yet the more people I speak to, it seems that almost everyone feels this way. Most humans are being taught to hide their own difference. To reshape, cover up, or surgically alter whole parts of themselves. Plagued by the haunting whispers of the ghost of normal. The ‘shoulds’ that pervade their thoughts and expectations. The average we should apparently all be aiming for, rather than being unique. Rather than being extraordinary.
What if we never had any benchmark given to us? No social narratives, no requirement for comparison? What if we were, in fact, encouraged to be different. What if the mark of a good life well-lived was the embrace of individuality - to model originality rather than sameness? Social media would be interpreted in a completely different way. Creativity would thrive. Meetings would be more interesting. People would laugh more - at ease without hesitation of how they might be perceived. Friendships would be more genuine, people would speak more authentically, there’d be no need for small talk …and the British would have to rethink their entire culture!
We waste a lot of time and energy trying to calculate the ‘right’ way of doing something, rather than simply following what feels right for us. By going against ourselves, we learn to fear ourselves. To mistrust our own judgements unless they align with the consensus. We fear exposing our difference in case it separates us. We hide parts we think are weird, which means we never fully see each other. More lonely ghosts in the machine.
There is no possible normal within a species that are all one of a kind. We’re chased by ghosts of aspiration purposefully created by demons of control. Those who seek to profit from our fear. In truth, our beauty and brilliance lives in our individuality. This one life that will never be replicated. Let’s let the idea of normal die and start living our lives the way only we know how.
Reflection
In what ways are you not ‘normal’? Are there parts you consider to be weird? How comfortable are you with difference within yourself and others?