So This Is Christmas...
...just don't let people 'should' all over your time off
Christmas. Christmas. Christmas.
It’s complicated.
For some it’s genuinely The Most Wonderful Time of the Year. For many it’s a nightmare. For others it’s nothing at all.
It’s a wondrous magical thing if we are able to buy into it. But Christmas is a brand that unfortunately many cannot afford. Any discounted version is a reminder of loss and loneliness.
Don’t worry, this isn’t one of those posts. I won’t be smashing a mince pie to the ground with a rant about capitalism. I’m not here to rain on any Santa parade. I personally love Christmas, I really do. But I also want to acknowledge that it doesn’t look the same for everyone, and even for those with the picture-perfect family Christmas, Christmas is complicated.
The brand of Christmas is well known. Its promoted pillars being joy, goodwill, tradition, extravagance and indulgence. Everything has sparkle. Mean people start smiling. It’s a vibe.
The brand ambassadors of Christmas are those who gather round with loved ones in ‘hilariously’ bad jumpers, toasting their gratitudes in a room that you know includes a cosy fire, a massive shimmering Christmas tree, tons of presents, and copious platters of rich buttery treats. It’s the dream image emblazoned in our minds and reinforced with every festive rom-com, commercial advert and seasonal message.
We are meant, above all else, to be joyful. But the bombardment of brand ‘Christmas’ can be acutely painful to those who are unable to find themselves seasonally jolly.
The pressure to be feeling certain ways and doing certain things can feel inescapable. A quick scroll on social media will reveal all the things we’re missing out on. But unlike the FOMO of say, a festival or party, the pillars of Christmas make us feel that what we’re missing is love, connection and the joy of family.
It can be a source of extreme anxiety. As the calendar moves closer to the big day, the joy of Christmas can feel further and further out of reach.
We believe it’s a time where we should celebrate our relationships with others. We should plan dinners with friends, parties with colleagues, and special time with family. But one of the most important (and at risk) relationships over the Christmas break is the one with yourself.
Whatever your situation over the next few days, consider this the most wonderful time of the year to prioritise your mental health!
It’s not easy. And it’s going to look different for everybody. But rather than being overwhelmed with the less accessible expressions of the season, here are a few ways you might be able to take what you need from Brand Christmas and discard the rest.
Joy
Take time to consider what genuinely brings you joy, not just now but throughout the year. Where has the joy been for you in 2021 (ok, not the most ideal question!) and how can you access more of the good stuff moving forward? Try and forget about what Hollywood narratives tell you that you should be enjoying and prioritise what makes sense to you right now. Initially, this might just be as simple as recognising what you don’t want. Rather than reacting to triggers, just notice them and consider what might be behind them and how you might counter them. Joy can be a sneaky little elf, hiding in the tiniest of moments. Catch them where you can!
Goodwill
Christmas can bring up a lot of mixed feelings. If you’re with family, it’s easy to regress or be reminded of family resentments. It’s totally normal and will only be compounded if you tell yourself you should be feeling differently. Consider the act of goodwill to be turned inwards. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up, and if you can, try to let go of what you might be holding onto that doesn’t serve you. First and foremost, be good to yourself.
Tradition
A tradition can be whatever you want it to be. It can be private and personal and something only you take part in, but it can still be your new tradition, if you choose to start it. It can be something as simple as giving yourself an hour away from everyone to read a book. Or baking something you love (whether festive or not). Or taking yourself out for a walk. If you’re alone this Christmas, you can fill your day with little things you enjoy. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing, you can make it your own day, your own way.
Extravagance
Oh, be extravagant! It doesn’t have to require money - be extravagant with how you spend your time. Whatever you do, make it BIG. If you make a snack, make it the BEST snack. Go big on all you enjoy …even if it’s just sleeping! Be generous to yourself in everything you do.
Indulgence
Allow yourself the utter indulgence of self-care. Over the next few days, take the luxury of time with yourself. Shut off from work, take a break from social media if you think that’s helpful. Indulge in what makes you happy or at least gives you a sense of peace. (Like Rizzo and his jelly beans (if you know, you know)).
So, on this cold Christmas Eve of 2021, make sure you take stock of what’s important to you. And if your Christmas isn’t looking like we’re told it should, just remember that prioritising our own mental health is the best gift we could possibly give ourselves. 🎁
Some festive(ish) nuggets to snack on if they call to you…
How to cope with loneliness at Christmas
The origins of Winter Solstice traditions
Why Muppet’s Christmas Carol is the best Christmas film (hard agree!)
A shorter newsletter this week as I’ve not been feeling my best. However, I wanted to wish you all a lovely Christmas, whatever that might look like to you. ❤️xo
These are very good and particularly timely reminders. Have a lovely, relaxing Christmas, Hannah and hope you feel 💯 soon!