New Year, Very Similar Me
Why we don't need to 'reset' in January
I’ve never been a huge fan of New Year’s Eve. I think it’s the commitment-phobe in me that fears having to have a night so tightly choreographed. That ‘go-to-the-loo-and-miss-it’ countdown which always seems to be inappropriately timed with a good conversation you’d rather continue than chug around collectively shouting numbers.
However, there’s something undeniably seductive about the concept of a new year. As a society we love a ‘do-over’. Diet starts Monday, new-year-new-me, dry January. I’ll admit that in the lead up to Christmas, despite better judgement, I still find myself excited by how different January will be - new ways I’ll organise my time, how I’ll manage new projects I’ve taken on, the various and numerous changes that will suddenly make all the difference. I’ll drift into a reverie of a calm, beautifully streamlined utopia that will be the new year.
What inevitably follows is a panic, during those in-between days, where I realise January is fast approaching and not only have I failed to get my ducks in a row but that three are sick, two migrated, and I accidentally shot one in the head.
The reverie dissipates and what I’m left with feels highly, highly stressful.
I spoke to a friend yesterday who shared my sentiment - “I feel like I’m running out of time”. Like if we can’t manage this transition across the threshold of 23.59 to 00.00, we are doomed to another year of something less than we’d hoped.
To have someone else vocalise this was helpful. In reality, it’s just another day. It feels like a milestone, so we want to mark it with transformation. A magic metamorphosis to the tune of Auld Lang Syne. But we only add unnecessary pressure to ourselves which suddenly makes failure loom large if we can’t meet this scheduled deadline.
The truth is that we change, evolve, recalibrate every single day. Every minute, even second. As the clock moves, our cells regenerate, our moments pass, and what went before will never be exactly replicated. We can reset several times in a day if we wish to.
We like New Year’s Eve because it makes sense. It’s a communal marker that we toast together in order to set intentions for the future and leave behind the past. Again, those resolutions barely stick around for long - because the pressure has them strangled from the start.
What I’ve learned throughout my psychotherapy training is that the most important changes and transformations are not ones that announce themselves with a ‘TA-DA! - new year, new me everyone!’. They are the subtle, incremental shifts that happen slowly but significantly, in the background. When I look back and the past year, and the year before that, I can see how much I’ve changed. I can see how much I’ve learned, experienced and understood. The painful times and the joyful times. Every win and every slip-up that work together to steer my direction towards what happens next.
This year has been a hard one for many. But rather than look back with a view of what we’d want to change (magically overnight), it might be better to appreciate that change is in abundance, every day. The important transformation to acknowledge right now is the one that occurred throughout the course of 2021, not the final bridging minute into 2022.
The Spin
We are changing, evolving and renewing with every second of every day - no matter what the date is on the calendar.
We might not always recognise change, because we have been conditioned to expect instant gratification. It’s important to reflect on the small and slower ways in which we’ve grown (and continue to grow) as a person over the years.
We only add more pressure to ourselves by expecting monumental shifts in habits, anxieties and lifestyle choices. We are more likely to get what we want if we approach it little by little, day by day.
Adding More Weight
Why New Year’s Resolutions suck
An Open Letter to people with New Year Anxiety
Why Do I Feel Depressed in the New Year?
Option to Go Deeper
Make a list of the things that you can notice have changed about you in the past year
Maybe this comes to you easily, maybe you can’t think of anything at first. cast your mind back and really think about where you were in your mental and physical health last year. What slow and gradual changes occurred throughout the year? What did you learn about your mind and body, your desires for the future, your relationships?
Snacks for Later
Mairi Cambell’s rendition of Auld Lang Syne
‘It’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve’ - classic Harry Burns energy in When Harry Met Sally
And for her love of rom-coms based around NYE, watch the brilliant Norah Ephron documentary, Everything is Copy
Wishing you all a happy and healthy new year and a personal massive thank you for joining me here each week. It has been one of my favourite things to come out of 2021. Cheers to you! 🥂❤️
Always a pleasure to read. Articulate, insightful, humorous and thought provoking. Based on this weeks read, you might like ‘Goodbye 2021 Hello 2022’. It’s a personal journal that helps you set goals and remain accountable. I use one every year and find it very useful. www.thegoodbyehellojournal.com
I’m looking forward to your newsletters in the coming year. LB.