It's Time We Stopped Stressing About Time!
And started playing with the present.
“We have all the time in the world”, crooned Louis Armstrong, so at ease in his delivery that you could almost believe it.
Louis, you’re drunk! Our minds reactively countering with thoughts of loved ones we’ve lost, the panic of ageing, past regrets. Plus, y’know, climate change.
But I find myself increasingly curious about time and our relationship to it. We set the hours, the calendar year. We understand a 9-5 work day and that productivity shouldn’t be expected on a weekend (or the entire month of December).
We’ve made it all up. And do any of us even still work like that? In 2021, this framework is shaky at best.
In the pandemic, all schedules were upended. Meetings multiplied with the absence of travel time. Mornings more flexible as getting ready simply required sitting upright. The home-office transitioning into a home-bar at whichever hour you chose to make ‘happy’. And we had more time with ourselves, resulting in many reconsidering their careers and futures completely.
This wake-up call that we had been sleep-walking through life suddenly presented an opportunity for big change.
We use rules to feel in control of a world that is beyond our control. Time gives structure. Structure suggests safety.
But structure is rigid. It can keep us stuck. Blocked in.
How many decisions are influenced by the pressure of time? Career, family, travel, recklessness. We allocate ‘best years’ to do things, and then mourn our loss when we decide the window has closed. We put ourselves out to pasture (based on what?) and fetishise youth so that 30th birthday cards start to adopt the tone of obituaries.
By fixating on time, we let fear take over as we focus on what we can’t get back rather than what we have now.
It’s a mad mind-melt of warped perspective whereby each decade post-20 you start looking in life’s rear-view at how youthful the previous decade was, unable to appreciate the current until you reach the next.
It doesn’t have to be that way. We are making these choices.
We don’t have to keep following the track well-worn by Western society, whereby we see getting older as loss. The accumulation of experience, adventures, loves and passions apparently render you less valuable or interesting? That can’t be right.
There is a (hallelujah) backlash against ageism, giving a much-needed platform to older voices. Their message? That life is great post 40, and 50, and beyond!
(Increased self-esteem, body acceptance and giving zero-fucks seem be the main headlines!)
Sam Baker’s podcast, The Shift, shares interviews with guests over 40, the same advice consistently repeated - “Don’t worry, there’s so much time!”, usually followed by the regretful, “I wish I had known that sooner”. Those damn regrets again.
So if we were to take this on board, how might it affect our decisions, attitudes and anxieties?
None of us know how much time we have left. But that’s not something we can change with clocks or calendars. By embracing uncertainty, it opens us up to infinite potential. We can assume there is time. For everything.
Explore your curiosity. Start the project that might not go anywhere. Take the holiday. Enjoy your lunch break. Spend time with the family. Focus on today.
I tried this out myself this year.
I started a writing course just because I wanted to. I put time in the work-day to read for pleasure. I took a day out to volunteer each week. How did I find the time to do all these things? I simply told myself I had enough time …and somehow, I did! As a result, my productivity, creativity and general wellbeing all increased - as did my income! I was alive with ideas because I was living more fully. I suddenly had a greater capacity for everything. By forgetting time, I found I had more space.
So maybe Louis really was right all along. Maybe, if we can get our heads around it, we really do have all the time in the world.
The Spin
A lot of the pressure we feel about time comes from social constructs - which means they can only exist if people conform to them.
Our innate negative bias will often assume things can’t be done or changed. Sometimes it’s worth challenging that a little deeper.
Worrying about time will only lead to making fear-based decisions.
It’s not age, but health that is important. And we know stress contributes to poor health. So take care of mind and body and the years will take care of themselves.
Remember that corporations make a lot of $$$ by making us feel inadequate. Before you buy more creams, or kale or Botox, just pause to consider whether what’s real vs. socially conditioned.
Explore your interests and make space for all the things you want in life.
Adding More Weight
How Emotionally Intelligent People Use the Golden Question
Advice to give our younger selves.
The rise of the Grandfluencer (is it me, or does that name not really work?)
Sam Baker’s podcast The Shift on life after 40.
50 People Who’ve Reinvented Themselves After 50
A reminder that we still have time by The Daily Stoic
…or as Gary Vaynerchuk would put it, You’ve Got Fucking Time
Natural Causes: Life, Death and the Illusion of Control by Barbara Ehrenreich
“Once I realised I was old enough to die, … I decided that I was also old enough not to incur any more suffering, annoyance or boredom” - Barbara Ehrenreich
Option to Go Deeper
If you could redesign the socially-adopted structure of a week, what would it look like?
Maybe you’d reduce the working day to 3 hours.
Maybe sleep in the day and come alive at night (see Modern Love episode below).
Maybe introduce day-time siestas (already the standard in other socio-constructs).
Maybe the week-end would become the week-start; a 2-day blast of all the work you need to do so that you can enjoy your week.
This might seem silly, but it can lead to asking yourself some important follow-up questions. Is there an imbalance in your life somewhere where you need more time for leisure/family/play? Or maybe you start crafting this design only to realise that you actually like the structure - and explore what that means.
As always it’s about pushing boundaries and exploring ideas with curiosity.
F*ck the rules. 🤘
The Wind Down
The Night Girl Finds A Day Boy from the Modern Love series.
Jane Fonda in Five Acts - I have rambled on to everyone I know about this documentary. Yes, Jane. Yes!
And lap up, as I did, Fran Lebowitz’s Pretend It’s a City on Netflix. Just 👏 So 👏 Good 👏
An excellent piece and a timely read for me! I’m struggling with a number of these issues, notably, feeling like an open sore after 40. Many thanks for helping to put things in perspective! Also, love the Grace and Frankie reference!