Don't Look Back In Anger
Why we need to lighten up, wisen up ...and maybe have a cookie.
Last weekend, I was the kind of tired where all I could do was give myself to Netflix. With the least amount of participation required, I jabbed a weary finger at the first ‘Recommended for you’ movie; Freedom Writers. I knew nothing about the film, but it involved Patrick Dempsey and I like his work (by which I mean, his face) so why not?
The film was released in 2007, and the premise is one we’ve seen time and again; An earnest white protagonist (in this case, Hilary Swank) throws themselves into an uncomfortable less-privileged environment and commits to making positive change. After struggle, rejection and defiant dedication, they win the hearts of the minority group and emerge a hero.
It was uncomfortable to watch with a 2021 gaze. I’d become aware of many of my own social blindspots that, now brought to light, I can no longer ‘unsee’. But the truth was still a difficult one to sit with: I would have loved this plot at the time it was released.
That feels awkward to admit. But of course I would have - I didn’t know any better. I’d have thought it was a feel-good movie. It’s based on a true story, which is a positive one, but jazzed-up by Hollywood in a way that reinforces negative stereotypes, leaves out a LOT of key detail, and once again depicts the ‘white saviour’ who helps the less-privileged lead better lives. I wouldn’t have seen bit that back then. I’d have been inspired - ultimately making me more, not less, ignorant by seeing this story told.
We are quick to anger and blame in today’s culture. And the vitriol sometimes seems to suggest we should never be guilty of error. We want a clean history. We want to erase mistakes, cancel the culprits, and stamp our feet at the injustice of it all. Addressing injustice is vital, yes. But erasing and cancelling …might not always be the best way to do that.
There’s a lot of anger on both sides of the social spectrum right now regarding cancel culture. Some are persecuting the non-woke, others shaking their fists at overcorrection, perhaps concerned we’re on the verge of cancelling Christmas because Santa got into someone’s stockings without consent.
This so-called ‘overcorrection’ has always been around however. I pay homage to the career of poor Don Music, the head-banging muppet from Sesame Street who got taken off air in the 70’s after complaints. Their VP of Content issued an apology, conceding that “Banging your head is not an effective way to cope with your emotions.”
But perhaps we are focussing on the wrong things, and in doing so, missing the chance to benefit from learning, understanding and correcting our attitudes going forward, not back.
Rather than shaming individuals and shaming ourselves about mistakes in the past, is it not more constructive to individually and collectively take responsibility? To listen, rather than furiously defend. I felt shame and embarrassment watching Freedom Writers. Not from the film itself, but rather the version of me that was most likely charging around with a white saviour complex as a result. We’re highly impressionable beings. I still have the cape I bought after seeing Batman.
Of course, embarrassment and shame aren’t comfortable feelings, so I might easily have tried to shake them - maybe alleviating my guilt by highlighting the issues on social media. Calling out the producers, directors and actors. Taking to Twitter to assert myself as enlightened, compared to these newly revised villains. I think we’re seeing a lot of that happening, and it smacks of people trying to escape their own shame. Perhaps that is the real overcorrection happening.
What’s more constructive, is for us to accept the mistakes of our past and seek to learn from them in a way that helps us evolve. We are all guilty of ignorance throughout our lives. But that’s how we learn. We wouldn’t chastise a child for thinking he can shit his pants in public. But once educated, it’s not something we’d want to see become part of his personal brand.
By getting all fired up with anger, there’s no oxygen left for the nuance of complexity. I’ve been interested to follow Emily Ratajkowski’s recent publicity for her new book. Listening to her hold her own on Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, she defended her right to change her mind about Choice Feminism, which she had previously lauded. It’s depressing how many people dismiss her views because she used to have different ones. She’s saying that she’s learned and evolved. Shouldn’t that be what we’re encouraging? Isn’t that accountability in action?
I use her as an example because I myself am not her greatest fan. I have nothing against her, but always questioned what impact her unattainable body image, as presented on Instagram, had on her impressionable following. Protruding ribs under enormous breasts didn’t feel like a healthy image for young girls to aspire to. But all the more reason why I wanted to listen to what she had to say. We don’t learn if we only listen to people we already agree with. I’m not saying I’ve changed my mind about her overall influence, but I made space in my mind to listen to her, and her interview definitely contested some of my judgements.
Let me be clear. I’m not saying there aren’t those who absolutely should be called out and held publicly accountable. But there’s a world of difference between the likes of Harvey Weinstein, Michael Jackson and Jimmy Savile, and someone who acted with unconscious sexism, ableism or racism. The former weren’t ignorant, they were abusing their power, knowingly and continuously causing harm to others. The latter, if they choose, can address their ignorance, acknowledge and evolve, without having their past mistakes (or careers) erased.
We need to learn from each other. We can’t do it all alone.
Rather than fixate on what ‘wrongs’ others are doing, we’d achieve more by focussing on our own education. It’s important to listen, observe and reflect in order to become better. First individually, to achieve the collective result.
Anger has its place, sure. But it shouldn’t be a shield to hide behind, projecting onto others when there could still be work to do ourselves.
That’s all a very long-winded way of saying …it’s complicated.
And if any of us need help prioritising what’s important, here’s the Cookie Monster, who’s hoping ‘C’ is for ‘Cookie’, not ‘Cancelled’…
The Spin
Embarrassment and shame often underly our projections onto others. These emotions feel like a hot mess that the body wants to get rid of, and our mind wants to erase. We may naturally seek to ‘overcorrect’ mistakes by projecting them onto others in order to escape these uncomfortable feelings. This doesn’t help anybody.
Ignorance is where we start before we learn. Our mis-steps are signs we need to further educate ourselves, by learning from others.
Ignorance in earnest, if we seek to learn from it, shouldn’t necessarily be punished. (Unless deliberate harm was caused).
We don’t have to agree with people in order to make space to listen to them. It may be further opportunity to learn.
Adding More Weight
‘Cancel Culture’ has been around forever, we just haven’t called it that
‘I used to think feminism was women hustling’ - Emily Ratajkowski
The Brit Awards’ decision to remove gendered categories
David Baddiel tackles Social Media, Anger and Us
The True History Behind Freedom Writers
Option To Go Deeper
Cast your mind back to just 5 years ago. In what ways have you changed in your views, opinions or behaviours?
It’s really important to understand where we’ve come from in order to recognise how we’ve grown, and what areas may still need attention. If you can’t think of any ways in which your attitudes or mindset has changed in the last 5 years, maybe that is also worth reflecting on. Are you more comfortable with fixed opinions?
The Wind Down
Maybe watch Freedom Writers for yourself. I’d love to know what you think!
If not, simply lighten up with everything and anything from the Muppets back-catalogue. They’re funny, they’re furry, and they’re doing their best.
I enjoyed this read from you. Thank you. I point out to myself that when the spoken language is bungled it pains me to a slight but certain precise degree of angst that so many folks rely on the way it’s heard before somewhere previously, for example, in the family or on the media, presented in the inaccurate form of grammar as opposed to that which is demonstrated in school or from proofreading one’s own writing or reading classics. Your writing, by the way, was exemplary.
But then, my other point is pointed out to me that correction of another is one hundred percent off limits because it is never a positive impetus for correction and it doesn’t understand the social aspect of norms as they develop into a newly evolved product.
In conclusion, while in my silence, this new product is the product of my frustration but I’m not going to cancel anyone! There’s something about this behavior I like to call civilized!
Thanks again. Also, I appreciated your use of paragraphs.